High School Graduation: New Start For Mother and Daughter
Dear Miss A,
8 years after my divorce and I have only been on one date. I met my husband at the age of 21 years old and I have only been with two other men after him. I freeze up on dates at 49 years old and I need advice on how to break the ice. How to get notice to attract a man. My daughter/baby graduates high school and she is leaving for college. How do I attract men for a date. I am african american woman. Any advice for me?
– Almost Fifty & Frozen
Dear Almost Fifty & Frozen,
Thank you so much for writing in with your question. I have to be honest. I haven’t accepted a date in years, but I do have one coming up. I took a clean break from dating to mend a broken heart, and to focus on building my business. I think men are able to date casually and enjoy uncommitted sex, while remaining focused on their career, but I think it’s more difficult for women to do so. Our heart gets involved even if our brain doesn’t want to. With the 2.0 version of charityandlife.com launching March 1st, and my consulting business going well, I suppose I’m finally ready to get out there again.
With your daughter graduating high school and leaving for college this year, it sounds like you may also be ready to get yourself back out in the dating scene. I think that you should not only celebrate your daughter’s graduation and treat her to gifts and a celebration, but celebrate all the work you’ve done preparing your daughter for college and life! Celebrate and treat yourself! Treat yourself to a better, updated you!
There is no magical perfume to spray on to attract men. I think you just have to be your best — inside and out. You also need to be happy with yourself. A man can’t make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. Once you’ve got these things taken care of you’ll naturally attract men.
Men are visual, so we need to look our best. Some may think that this is shallow, but when you look your best, you feel your best. I would suggest you get yourself a gym membership and get active. Again, when you are physically strong, I believe you are mentally and emotionally strong. If you haven’t been working out, you may feel self-conscious going at first, but it’s worth it, and before you know it, you’ll have more energy, and look and feel better. Once your body gets “addicted” to working out, you won’t have a problem going to the gym, but at first you may need to hire a personal trainer or put certain classes on your schedule to force you to get there. Men workout, so you’re bound to meet men there.
I would suggest that you look around for an image consultant, and give yourself a makeover. You will have to think about how you want to present yourself, because men will treat you based on your looks. Dress for the role of a girlfriend — not the role of the hoochie, good time girl. You may have been too busy working and being a mom to update your look. We don’t want you wearing the same things you wore in the 1990’s. I think that you should budget some money and start fresh. Your daughter will be starting her new life, and it’s time for you to start yours!
Think about what interests you, or what you enjoyed before your daughter, or dreams you’ve put on hold. Now is the time to think about what you want out of your future. Make that “Bucket List” and get going! There is a lot of life left to be lived! Charity is my answer for almost anything. Consider getting involved in charity work. Not only will you be giving back to the community, but you’ll meet a lot of nice people, including men. There is a charity for any interest you might have. If you’re in the Washington area, Greater DC Cares is a great way to get started with volunteering.
I’m not sure if you’re religious, but you might join a church. I’m sure you will miss having your daughter at home, and this might be a good source of support to you when it comes time to deal with the “empty nest”. You never know who you might meet at church! You can also tell your friends and family that you are open to being set up. Married people seem to love setting up their single friends. Basically, you need to get out there. Get involved in the community and spend two nights a week going to various events so that you’re mingling and networking. In addition to meeting men, you’ll be networking which is always beneficial.
As for the freezing up on dates, I hear you! Those awkward dating moments are the price you pay for finding a special man. I think you just have to get comfortable in your own skin, and realize you’re terrific. Just take the date as an evening out. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Just enjoy yourself. Be yourself, but be your best self! Take things slowly, and if you’re with the right guy you’ll warm up and open up.
I hope that this helps! Please write back and let me know what you think, and how things go!
– Miss A