Snow Much to Love
Let me start by saying that I actually like to dig my car out of the snow. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I have a friend who has paid people to shovel her car out, but I’d rather keep the $50. As much as it’s a pain, there is something to be said for knowing you can do it yourself — that you are self-sufficient.
One might think that the recent snow storms we’ve had would make for romantic days snowed in with a lover, but according to the rumor mill, the snow has taken its toll on many couples. I’ve heard tales about boyfriends who wouldn’t help their respective girlfriend with the snow. Some couples have broken up over this. I’m wondering if these couples just speak the wrong “love language” to each other.
If you’re wondering what a “love language” is, you should read the book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. I’ve enjoyed the book for years, but could never figure out my primary love language. The options are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Often, we love our mate the way we want to be loved, but this “language” may not speak to him. Once you know what your and your mate’s respective language is, you can then love someone in a way that makes them feel loved.
During a recent debate on my Facebook page, I finally realized that my primary love language is Acts of Service. A guy can give me gifts, spend time with me, give me compliments, but if he’s not doing things with me and for me, then I won’t feel really loved. Things like volunteering with me for Hands on DC or another service project, fixing my computer, setting up a new TV, and shoveling snow for me make me feel truly loved. If Acts of Service isn’t your primary love language, then a guy not helping you dig out your car wouldn’t be as hurtful as it would be to someone like me, or some of these women who have dumped their boyfriend over these things.
I was curious to hear what people felt about this, so I posted the following on my Facebook Page. (Feel free to friend me as we usually have some entertaining debates on my page!):
Ladies, how many of you had guys you’ve been seeing, boyfriends, FB’s or whathaveyou dig your car out of the snow this weekend? Should a guy offer? Did you have to ask? What if he says “Do it yourself!” If he is asked and won’t, does that mean he’s just not that into you? Thoughts?
Here are the comments I received which I thought I’d share with my readers:
Sarah Valerio A neighbor helped me last Snowpocalypse. He came up and offered out of the blue. So kind. I have to dig mine out tomorrow and hopefully someone will help me out then too. Anyone should offer to help – guy or girl. I’d help someone too if I saw them digging out alone. It’s not a sexist or male / female thing to do, it’s just the right thing to do.
Andrea Hardison There’s been a lot of talk about this on FB the past few days. 1) I’ve either heard men (married) talking about how he “respected” the wife because she helped him dig out the snow, to 2) Men taking pictures of their SO digging out snow (which I think is a joke…but it is true) to 3) Men and women both saying that the SO needs to dumped if he didn’… See Moret help her. In my opinion being traditional and from the south, I straight up don’t dig out snow. Not that I can’t, but I don’t think I have to or should do that. Even when not dating someone, a male neighbor dug out my car, etc.
Dawnia Brooks-Bell I was fortunate to have a guy to do it for me, in return I baked him 2 dozen cookies and made him mini cajun popcorn balls.
Matthew Tullius I think that would depend Andrea on the women’s reaction when he asks them to cook a meal or wash a plate. Gender roles and expectations tend to only seem ok to people when its the man doing them (overall). That being said, a man of quality tends to invest the energy and resources in women that have shown they are investing in the realtionship to the same degree (or more)…. See More Men of lower quality (less options) tend to supplication behaviors (sucking up), because they have no other real choices.
Janice T. Johnson I think it speaks volumes when a man that you are seeing doesn’t offer or help. It means just that! He is just not that into to you.
Deepak Jain Supplication behaviors actually indicate to the recipient that the supplicant *is* actually of lower value… Perverse biology.
1) elderly neighbor = absolutely (in fact, not doing this gets you a ticket to hell)
2) mother or sisters = absolutely
3) wife = absolutely (or else)
4) girlfriend = absolutely (or effing double else)
5) girl your sleeping with = absolutely (usually results in more sex)
6) cute girl down the hall / next door, who is generally a sweet person… absolutely.
7) uptight feminist bitch down the hall / next door, who is too good for every man on the planet (but tells herself she is just really, really, picky)… no, & you can put on a sign on your door that reads “sleeping with the nice gal down the hall, after I shoveled her car out…”
@ dawnia, cookies are optional
Mariam Atash Nawabi @ Mike, I read your responses when I see Andrea’s updates. You should write a column– you are hilarious!
Christina Battisti Mike, I laughed out loud at yours! Deepak, I have no idea what you said. I ADORE men who are men and do chivalrous things without the woman asking. Soooooo endearing that it would make her WANT to cook a meal AND wash the plates.
Karen Hopper It’s kind of ridiculous to turn shoveling snow into a verdict on femininity, masculinity, value as a mate, and where a relationship is headed. While I don’t think it’s a big surprise when men prefer to do the outdoor labor, I don’t think a woman who likes the fresh air and exercise is throwing away her right to be treated with respect and love. I … See Morethink shoveling snow or helping with a big project does not have anything to do with being “into” someone at all. I personally would rather be with a guy who has helped all his girlfriends shovel snow, not just the ones he was still trying to win over. The measure of a man isn’t how he treats women he wants to date, but how he treats the women he doesn’t want to date.
Mike Bowers @ karen – lol, nice try. i am not shoveling every single woman’s driveway… and if you think there is a woman on this planet that is ok with their man saying, “hey, i am just gonna head down the road and shovel all my ex-girlfriends out…” you are delusional. why, because the women are NOT thinking, “oh, how sweet, measure of man…” these … women WILL be thinking “sex and cookies…” your statement was just as entrenched in old world values, you just tried to spray paint it with liberalism / feminism… and your prize is an effing shovel.
Clay Stuckey I was going to comment but I believe that Mike said it all. My wife and I are laughing out loud. 3 hours ago · Susan Jennings my two sons (age 10) WANTED to dig our driveway and cars out….and did so…without us asking and happily. I have GREAT kids!
Lucy Mendizabal great point about the kids, I’m actually looking forward to digging my car out with my son. If someone were to offer help, man or woman, i would consider where I’m @ in the process. (even if my fiancee wasn’t recovering from a back injury) It’s definitely a sense of accomplishment, and my son who is only 5 ;o) will totally get it. (while making a snowman lol)
Mike I know of a professional woman’s bf who refused to dig her out. They broke up for a month over the Dec. 19 episode. Interestingly they were on a trip together, arrived to her house where his car was, he dug his car out and went home without helping her! He told her to do it herself. He didn’t help this past storm either and she ended up paying people to do it. A DC socialite I know suggested that the BF should at least offer. I myself dug out several elderly neighbors and a couple single gals because they had no help. It is the neighborly thing to do. And Mike is right. Heading over to the SO’s place to dig her car out reaps benefits from a grateful recipient. One, you showed up to do it and she can drive and two, you are at her place and can hang out.
Robert Palmer @ Dawnia, next snow fall, I am coming to help dig you out
Sonia Taylor Call me Southern, but if my significant other didn’t help or at least OFFER to help dig me out, I would be pretty pissed! I think it speaks volumes, but this is Dc where most women want it all, being self sufficient, and chivalry.
Mike I have had women get angry with me for offering my seat on the metro. I am more careful who I offer it to now in crowded conditions on the metro.
Stephanie Kraml Suttle Man or woman….it’s just nice to be nice.
Feel free to comment below the post and share your stories and thoughts on the subject!
– Miss A